


Judge Mendel's Super Amazing Day~!

by yesile



Category: Original Work
Genre: Cognitive Dissonance, Depression, Gen, delusions of grandeur
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-06
Updated: 2018-03-06
Packaged: 2019-03-27 18:05:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13886238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yesile/pseuds/yesile
Summary: Judge Deems Mendel's such a great and wonderful guy, with such a great and wonderful life. ...So why does he always feel so miserable? (Just a short story about a delusional judge who lies to himself to cope with his crippling inferiority complex.) I don't think the tone is perfect, but meh.





	Judge Mendel's Super Amazing Day~!

**Author's Note:**

> *This takes place in _Ace Attorney's_ world, which is why a trial is set the day after a murder. I know this is not realistic, but this was initially part of an _AA_ -related roleplay.
> 
> This was part of a much, much longer retelling of my first roleplay ever, but I've mainly given up on rewriting it. Roleplays tend to have a lot of "filler" since they're written with others with no set plot progression in mind, and I don't think many readers would appreciate so much pointless fluff that goes nowhere.

Judge Mendel had just arrived home from an epic day in court, and was now laying on his couch, worn out from such a fantastic trial. He had convicted another dirty criminal, thus continuing his humble crusade of justice. Surely, the papers would be lauding his name in tomorrow's paper—and if they didn't, they were simply too envious of his accomplishments to publish them for the world to see. Ha! Those lowly news reporters were so pathetic, disrespecting Their Honor like that. It made him sick.

...Or at least _something_ was making him sick. Jumping up from his couch, he darted to the bathroom, barely making it to the toilet before his gag reflex ripped his lunch out of his body.

 _‘...That was weird.’_ The sickly judge thought to himself as he wiped mouth and trudged over to the sink. He must really hate reporters.

As he rinsed his mouth out with cold, slightly metallic city water, he wondered why such a thing had happened all of the sudden. It wasn't the first time. In fact, it tended to happen a lot whenever he was feeling especially proud of himself after accomplishing something great. He couldn't fathom why, but the most likely reason was because he was so perfect, that God felt it necessary to inflict pain on him every once and a while so he wouldn't become an angel and ascend into heaven.

_Or maybe it was because the cognitive dissonance between his fantasy interpretation of himself and reality was so painful that it caused him to be physically ill._

Yeah, it must have been the God thing. Well, either that, or his stomach was so advanced that it forced him to throw up so he'd have more room for food without getting fat.

The tired judge pat his stomach as thanks for keeping him skinny, then dragged himself back over to his couch and popped open a bag of potato chips.

He could have turned on the TV. 

Or read a magazine. 

That's what he normally did when there was nothing else to do.

But he didn't really feel like it.

Strangely, that kind of thing tended to happen a lot whenever he had a great day, where everything went right.

It was probably just because his day was already too perfect, and doing something fun like watching TV or reading a magazine would cause some sort of paradox. You can't make an already perfect day even more perfect, can you?

_Or maybe it was because his day wasn't perfect AT ALL, and he was actually incredibly depressed._

Yeah, definitely the paradox thing.

He stuffed a handful of potato chips into his mouth while his dreary eyes stared aimlessly at the ceiling. The chips didn’t taste as good as they normally did, but that had a tendency to happen when he was in a great mood. His taste buds must have taken the day off to celebrate his flawless verdict in court.

His eyes had the weirdest way of celebrating. They just started tearing up for some weird reason.

But obviously, they were tears of joy. Simple logic.

_Or a simple lie._

He closed his eyes. He was so tired.

That had a tendency to happen a lot when he was...

Almost immediately, he drifted off, the bag of potato chips spilling to the floor.  
...  
...  
...

A few hours later, the catchy tune of his cell phone awoke him from an amazing dream and forced him to re-enter the even _more_ amazing reality of his perfect life.

"Uhhn... Who is this?" He asked, only half awake.

"Is this Judge Mendel?"

"Hmm... Yeah." He drearily nodded, almost falling back asleep in the process. "That's me."

"There's been another murder."

 _"What?!"_ He jolted up, the drowsy fog cleared in an instant.

"We just apprehended the suspect and the investigation's proceeding smoothly. It looks like it'll be another open-and-shut case."

"I see." _'Another'_ open-and-shut case?

"Can you come into court tomorrow? We don't have any other judges available."

"I...I..." His hands trembled, struggling desperately to keep the phone to his face.

"Judge Mendel?"

"...Yeah. Of course." He smiled wearily into the phone, steadying his hand. How could he say no?

"Thanks. See you tomorrow. I'll give you the documents in the morning. Starting time's twelve o’clock noon, as usual."

"Sure. Bye." And with that, he hung up.

Another day in court.

Another murder.

Another person to declare guilty.

...

_It looks like it was going to be another fantastic day for the Great and Honorable Judge Mendel~!_


End file.
